Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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