So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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