u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
