Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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