i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
