Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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