I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
