watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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