Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
