I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
