girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
