Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
