and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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