Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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