Soap is not a condiment
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
