We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
