I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
