there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
