i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
