from now on my penis is your penis
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
