he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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