Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Randomize
