Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize