mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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