I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
