take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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