tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
