I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
