never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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