I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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