How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
