I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
