If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
