Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Come see our sink grown plant.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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