I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
