picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
