I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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