i just had sex bonerless
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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