I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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