He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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