my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
