My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My hand turned me down
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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