i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
