$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize