i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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