I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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