i think my tv is drunk
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
