Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
