Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
