On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
