Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
