NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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