make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
