How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
