bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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