May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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