i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
