He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
