Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm at about main and main street
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
