none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
