i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
