i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
