I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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