I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
