you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
