I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she was so not down for the gang bang
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
