But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
being pregnant is like rehab
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
