he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Actions speak louder than pants.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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