Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
