Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
