Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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