She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
