Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
