Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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