I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
